If you’re stuck in those endless Monday meetings or in an ongoing conflict with that printer that seems to have a personal vendetta against you this week, then this might help.
In today’s post I’d like to share 75 short funny work quotes.
Funny ones that can help you release some of the built up inner pressure before you send a strongly worded email you’ll regret for the rest of the week. Inspirational and amusing sayings that’ll shift your perspective to a lighter and more positive outlook.
And a couple of handfuls of the ones that can help you to make your workplace a bit more fun if you share them with your favorite co-worker.
I hope you’ll find something here that’ll make you laugh and make your day better.
Short Funny Work Quotes
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”
— Claude McDonald
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
— Homer Simpson
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?”
— Kin Hubbard
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.”
— Groucho Marx
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
— George Carlin
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
— Lily Tomlin
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
— Bill Gates
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
— Groucho Marx
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
— Tim Notke
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”
— Anonymous
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.”
— Anonymous
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
— Dave Barry
Inspirational Short Funny Work Quotes
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.”
— Elbert Hubbard
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.”
— Frank Zappa
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.”
— David Ogilvy
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
— Sarah Brown
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
— Scott Adams
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”
— Mark Twain
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.”
— Zig Ziglar
“As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.”
— Tom Goins
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.”
— Mark Twain
“Education costs money. But then again so does ignorance.”
— Sir Claus Moser
“It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.”
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.”
— Zig Ziglar
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’”
— Chris Rock
“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
— Groucho Marx
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.”
— Peter Drucker
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.”
— Fats Domino
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
— Will Rogers
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.”
— William C. Feather
“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
— Vince Lombardi
“An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.”
— William Castle
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.”
— David Ogilvy
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.”
— Groucho Marx
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
— Anonymous
“Tough times don’t last, tough teams do.”
— Robert Schuller
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
— Betty Reese
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.”
— John Ciardi
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.”
— Alan Alda
“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.”
— Zig Ziglar
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”
— Bertrand Russell
Shor Funny Work Quotes for Your Co-Worker, Instagram & Letterboard
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
— John Gotti
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
— Leslie Nielsen
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.”
— Douglas Adams
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keeping your mouth shut.”
— Albert Einstein
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.”
— Josh Billings
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.”
— Homer Simpson
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
— Woody Allen
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.”
— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
— Phyllis Diller
“I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.”
— Clarence Darrow
“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.”
— Noel Coward
“On this team, we’re all united in a common goal: to keep my job.”
— Lou Holtz
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.”
— Dwight D. Eisenhower
“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.”
— James Johnson
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
— Douglas Adams
“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.”
— Robert Frost
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”
— Doug Larson
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.”
— Pablo Picasso
“The difference between ‘try’ and ‘triumph’ is just a little umph!”
— Marvin Phillips
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.”
— Niels Bohr
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
— Unknown
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
— Edgar Bergen
“There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.”
— Peter Drucker
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”
— Drew Carey
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
— Charles Lamb
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’”
— Don Marquis
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.”
— William C. Feather
“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.”
— George Herbert
“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.”
— George Jones
“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.”
— Mary Kay Ash
“Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.”
— Stephen Hawking
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.”
— Stanley J. Randall
Want more fun quotes and motivation for work? Check out these positive workplace quotes, the quotes for work (motivation to work hard and smart) here and this post that’s filled with helpful work ethic quotes. Plus this post with hilarious work quotes and this one on teamwork quotes.