November is at the door.
The month that can’t quite decide if it’s fall or already winter, when the days grow shorter and shorter and Thanksgiving stress may start to creep up.
So in today’s post I’d like to share 47 of the most hilarious, positive and funny November quotes.
I hope you’ll find something here that’ll give you a few good laughs, reduce some of that holiday stress and help you to make this a happy fall month.
Funny November Quotes That Will Make You Smile
“November always seemed to me the Norway of the year.”
– Emily Dickinson
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.”
– Robert Brault
“The November evening had a bite; it nibbled not-quite-gently at her cheeks and ears.”
– Aleksandr Wootton
“November is the most disagreeable month in the whole year.”
– Louisa May Alcott
“I have come to regard November as the older, harder man’s October.”
– Henry Rollins
“In November you begin to know how long the winter will be.”
– Martha Gellhorn
“No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds – November!”
– Thomas Hood
“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.”
– Henry David Thoreau
“November at its best – with a sort of delightful menace in the air.”
– Anne Bosworth Greene
“It was the best kind of November day. Cold and crisp, but not quite freezing, not icy.”
– Rainbow Rowell
“This November there seems to be nothing to say.”
– Anne Sexton
“The house was very quiet, and the fog – we are in November now – pressed against the windows like an excluded ghost.”
– E.M. Forster
“Jam on November took away the worries, it was like tasting summer.”
– El Fuego
“When everything looks like a magical oil painting, you know you are in Autumn!”
– Mehmet Murat Ildan
Funny November Quotes for a Happy Thanksgiving
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.”
– Irv Kupcinet
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”
– Rita Rudner
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”
– Craig Ferguson
“I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.”
– Stephen Colbert
“The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.”
– Jay McInerney
“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too much.”
– Johnny Carson
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
– Erma Bombeck
“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.”
– Phyllis Diller
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relatives.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
– Stephen Colbert
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.”
– Kevin James
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.”
– Howie Mandel
“Thanksgiving… that is all about overeating. One of the main dishes is actually called ‘stuffing.’ Stuffing? What names did they turn down? ‘Cram-it-in?’ ‘Eat-till-you-can’t-breathe?’”
– Jim Gaffigan
“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.”
– Jimmy Fallon
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.”
– Phyllis Diller
“Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.”
– Nicole Hollander
“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
– Erma Bombeck
“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.”
– Rita Rudner
“Thanksgiving is the meal we aspire for other meals to resemble.”
– Jonathan Safran Foer
“It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.”
– Lorelai Gilmore (from the TV-show The Gilmore Girls)
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”
– Jay Leno
Hilarious November Quotes for a Fun Fall Month
“Some say fall is the season when the leaves change. I say it’s the season when my sweat pants never change.”
– Katie Nicole Felton
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.”
– Jim Davis
“In November, the smell of food is different. It is an orange smell. A squash and pumpkin smell. It tastes like cinnamon and can fill up a house in the morning.”
– Cynthia Rylant
“On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.”
– George Will
“Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.”
– Andrea Gibson
“In autumn, don’t go to jewelers to see gold; go to the parks!”
– Mehmet Murat Ildan
“Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter’s pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.”
– Dorothy Parker
“The meal isn’t over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself.”
– Louis C.K.
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
– Erma Bombeck
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
– W.C. Fields
“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘Man, just be yourself.’”
– Mitch Hedberg
“Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.”
– Doug Larson
Want more inspiration and laughs for November and the holiday season? Then check out these inspirational November quotes, the short and uplifting November quotes in this post and also this one with funny Thanksgiving quotes.