Coffee is truly a special thing.
It helps us wake up and once again feel human and (at least a bit) energetic. It’s always providing a good reason to take a break.
And it brings us together at work, in coffee shops and cafes and in our homes.
So in today’s post I’d like to share 101 of the most timeless, beautiful and funny short coffee quotes.
I hope you’ll find something here that makes you laugh and releases a bit of stress, that gives you a boost of energy and simply helps you appreciate this magical beverage a little extra.
Short Funny Coffee Quotes to Start Your Morning with a Laugh
“Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.”
– Nanea Hoffman
“Wanna hear a joke? Decaf.”
– Unknown
“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline – the first often tasting like the second.”
– Edward Abbey
“I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”
– Clark Gable
“I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.”
– Flash Rosenberg
“I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.”
– Burt Lancaster
“You make good coffee… you’re a slob, but you make good coffee.”
– Cher
“I don’t drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.”
– Unknown
“Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”
– Alphonse Allais
“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.”
– Ronald Reagan
“The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”
– Unknown
“Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.”
– Unknown
“Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
– David Letterman
“Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.”
– J.S. Bach
“It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible, but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”
– Unknown
“Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.”
– Unknown
“If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all.”
– David Letterman
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
– Steven Wright
“Coffee in England is just toasted milk.”
– Christopher Fry
“I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it.”
– Megan Mullally
“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee and you start to sneeze?”
– Jean Kerr
Timeless and Short Coffee Quotes for Your Instagram and Letter Board
“Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.”
– Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
“Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”
– Thomas Jefferson
“Life’s too short for bad coffee.”
– Gord Downie
“Coffee first. Schemes later.”
– Leanna Renee Hieber
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”
– T.S. Eliot
“Humanity runs on coffee.”
– Unknown
“My birthstone is a coffee bean.”
– Unknown
“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
– Cassandra Clare
“May your coffee kick in before reality does.”
– Unknown
“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”
– Stephanie Piro
“I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.”
– Unknown
“Coffee is a language in itself.”
– Jackie Chan
“I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”
– Jac Vanek
“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte
“A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.”
– Unknown
“No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.’”
– Cherise Sinclair
“Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.”
– Unknown
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.”
– Unknown
“Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.”
– Rohan Marley
“Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.”
– Sheik Abd Al Kadir
“But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.”
– David Lynch
Short Coffee Quotes to Help You Have a Positive Day at Work
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”
– Dave Barry
“Given enough coffee I could rule the world.”
– Unknown
“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”
– Earl Wilson
“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”
– Sir James MacKintosh
“Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.”
– Unknown
“What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”
– Henry Rollins
“Coffee, because adulting is hard.”
– Unknown
“I believe humans get a lot done, especially in the afternoons, not because of will or motivation but because of the black magic that is coffee.”
– Bob Simmons
“Politics now is rather like going into Starbucks for a coffee.”
– Rory Bremner
“Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.”
– Bill Gates
“I need that first cup of coffee before any meetings, any calls and often before putting a sentence together.”
– Sandra Shea
“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”
– Paul Erdos
“Coffee which makes the politician wise, and see through all things with his half-shut eyes.”
– Alexander Pope
“Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.”
– Jonathan Swift
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”
– Steven Wright
“Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee!”
– David Letterman
“I like instant gratification. It’s like instant Coffee, only it won’t keep you up all night.”
– Jarod Kintz
Aesthetic and Inspirational Short Coffee Quotes
“I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.”
– Abigail Reynolds
“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh
“Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.”
– Jessi Lane Adams
“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.”
– Donna A. Favors
“Coffee is a way of stealing time which should by rights belong to your older self.”
– Terry Pratchett
“My dream is to have a house on the beach, even just a little shack somewhere so I can wake up, have coffee, look at dolphins, be quiet and breathe the air.”
– Christina Applegate
“There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.”
– Rian Aditia
“All my days begin the same. A black cup of coffee. A little quiet time just watching the clouds. Then work.”
– Alice Jones
“To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”
– Hugh Jackman
“I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.”
– Terri Guillemets
“Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.”
– Terri Guillemets
“He was my cream, and I was his coffee. And when you poured us together, it was something.”
– Josephine Baker
“Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A cup of gourmet coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.”
– Unknown
“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. Trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.”
– Unknown
“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”
– Fran Drescher
“Adventure in life is good. Consistency in coffee even better.”
– Justina Headley
“I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’”
– Jim Carrey
“I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.”
– John Van Druten
“Three cups of coffee a day keeps the doctor away!”
– Henry Rollins
“No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.”
– Sheik Abd-al-Kabir
“What on Earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book and a cup of coffee?”
– Anthony Trollope
Short, Witty and Cute Coffee Lover Quotes
“Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.”
– Nanea Hoffman
“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”
– Unknown
“Coffee and chocolate – the inventor of mocha should be sainted.”
– Cherise Sinclair
“My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”
– Unknown
“Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.”
– Captain Janeway (from the TV-show Star Trek: Voyager)
“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
– Louisa May Alcott
“Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.”
– Laurell K. Hamilton
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
– Albert Camus
“Coffee is a big part of my life.”
– Taylor Swift
“I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.”
– Unknown
“If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.”
– Mae West
“Just coffee. Black – like my soul.”
– Cassandra Clare
“Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”
– Unknown
“Deja Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before.”
– Unknown
“I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.”
– Jennifer Lopez
“If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
– Unknown
“The road to success is paved in coffee. Buckets of the stuff.”
– Sam Williams
“I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!”
– Howard Schultz
“To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee… coffee.”
– Unknown
Want more inspiration for your morning? Then have a look at these short good morning quotes, the motivational teamwork quotes in this post and also these positive quotes for a great morning and day.