If you’re anything like me then you pretty often probably need a laugh or three to get through a stressful, boring or simply bad day.
So to help you out with that I’d like to share 105 of the most funny work quotes.
Hilarious ones that will make you laugh and help you release stress. Somewhat inspirational ones to lift your mood.
And ones you can share with your coworkers around the office and your work bestie to help make their day a bit better and lighter too.
Funny Work Quotes for Stress Relief
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.”
– Rita Rudner
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”
– Bertrand Russell
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
– Leslie Nielsen
“My resume is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.”
– Scott Adams
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”
– Unknown
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
– Dave Barry
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
– Douglas Adams
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
– Sandra Shea
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.”
– Stanley J. Randall
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen
“Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.”
– Unknown
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”
– Claude McDonald
“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.”
– Robert Townsend
“A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours are wasted.”
– James T. Kirk
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.”
– Michel Audiard
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.”
– Groucho Marx
“I’ve achieved inbox zero several times in my career. Each time by deleting everything in a state of panic.”
– Unknown
Funny Work Quotes with Office Humor
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.”
– Unknown
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.”
– Peter Drucker
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
– Bill Gates
“The reward for good work is more work.”
– Francesca Elisia
“Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.”
– Stephen Hawking
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”
– Unknown
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
– John Gotti
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
– Douglas Adams
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.”
– Homer Simpson
“There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.”
– Peter Drucker
“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
– Groucho Marx
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
– Anonymous
“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”
– Fay Collins
“An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.”
– William Castle
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”
– Albert Einstein
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”
– Sarah Kelly
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
– Unknown
“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.”
– Oscar Wilde
“I tell my employees to think of me as a father who leaves them nothing in his will.”
– Barry Goldwater
Inspirational Funny Work Quotes
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
“The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!”
– Marvin Phillips
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
– Sarah Brown
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
– Will Rogers
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.”
– Elbert Hubbard
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.”
– Zig Ziglar
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.”
– Mark Twain
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
– Tim Notke
“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
– Vince Lombardi
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”
– Mark Twain
“Education costs money. But then again so does ignorance.”
– Sir Claus Moser
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.”
– David Ogilvy
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
– Scott Adams
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”
– Richard Branson
“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.”
– Mary Kay Ash
“Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.”
– Audrey Hepburn
“The expert in anything was once a beginner, but the beginner probably had more fun.”
– Unknown
“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.”
– Beverly Sills
“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
– Winston Churchill
“Think like a proton. Always be positive.”
– Unknown
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”
– Joe Girard
Funny Work Quotes for Your Coworkers
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.”
– Alan Alda
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because… they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.”
– Steven Wright
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”
– Robert Orben
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’”
– Don Marquis
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
– Henny Youngman
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”
– Drew Carey
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.”
– Fats Domino
“If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.”
– David Brent
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
– Jane Goodall
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
– Homer Simpson
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.”
– Dwight D. Eisenhower
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.”
– Groucho Marx
“Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.”
– Steven Wright
“I’m not late, I just like to make an entrance.”
– Marilyn Monroe
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.”
– Zig Ziglar
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
– Don Herold
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’”
– Chris Rock
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.”
– William C. Feather
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
– Bette Midler
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.”
– Ogden Nash
Short Funny Work Quotes for the Office
“Committee: A group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.”
– Fred Allen
“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.”
– James Johnson
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”
– Mark Twain
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life… because that field probably isn’t hiring.”
– Dorothy Parker
“Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with funny people.”
– Carol Burnett
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.”
– Bill Murray
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.”
– Clarence Darrow
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
– George Carlin
“Success is just a matter of luck, ask any failure.”
– Earl Wilson
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
– Groucho Marx
“A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.”
– Mitchell Ratner
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
– Steven Wright
“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.”
– George Herbert
“The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you’re on the job.”
– Slappy White
“I’m not afraid of hard work. I’ve done so much of it I know what it looks like.”
– Bob Hope
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
– Henry Kissinger
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost
“I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.”
– Sam Williams
“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.”
– George Jones
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
– Jim Harper
“If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.”
– Unknown
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
– Oscar Wilde
Want more fun quotes and motivation for your work? Then have a look at the short funny work quotes here and also these hilarious work quotes. Plus, these funny teamwork quotes, the positive workplace quotes in this post, this one with hard work quotes and the motivational quotes for work here.