I don’t think I feel fully ready yet.
And maybe nobody really does.
I’ve kind of been using this page as a place to leave my thoughts lately, so maybe this post won’t make perfect sense to everyone. My brain feels a little messy these days. A lot of emotions at the same time. A lot of thinking. A lot of feeling. And I think this is just my way of processing it all a little.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how strange this stage of life is. Because on one side, I am so excited. Like genuinely, deeply excited. Sometimes I imagine holding this baby in my arms and it feels so emotional that I can’t even fully explain it. I think about their little face. Their tiny hands. What it will feel like to finally meet the person I’ve been carrying all these months. And then, almost immediately after that thought, comes fear. Not because I don’t want this. I do. So much. But because everything is about to change. And I don’t think anything can fully prepare you for that feeling.
People talk a lot about preparing for birth. The hospital bag. The clothes. The nursery. The appointments. And all of that matters, of course. But nobody really tells you how impossible it feels to prepare emotionally for becoming someone’s mother for the first time. How do you prepare for a love you haven’t experienced yet? How do you prepare for the responsibility of loving someone this much?
I think about birth a lot now. And honestly, it scares me. The unknown part of it. The loss of control. Wondering how I’ll handle it.
And then I think about life after. What will my days look like? Will I still recognize myself? Will I miss my old life sometimes? Will I know what I’m doing?
I overthink everything.
I think there’s guilt sometimes around admitting those thoughts out loud, because becoming a mother is supposed to be this purely beautiful thing. And it is beautiful. But it’s also huge. And emotional. And life-changing. Excitement and fear can exist together. Actually, I think they almost always do before something important.
Because right now, I don’t feel fully ready. And maybe that’s the way is suposed to be. Maybe readiness comes after. In learning as you go. In holding your baby for the first time and figuring things out one day at a time.
But I do feel love already. So much love. 🤍
Enough love to know that even through the fear, even through all the unknowns, I cannot wait to meet this baby.
Sometimes at night I just sit there with my hand on my belly and think about how crazy it is that soon they’ll be here. Actually here. In my arms. In our home. Part of our everyday life. That thought feels overwhelming in the most beautiful way. 🥹
If you’re a mum, soon-to-be mum, or even feeling these same fears, I’d really love to hear from you. Did you feel ready before becoming a parent? What helped you through the fear and the overthinking?
I think talking honestly about this makes it all feel a little less lonely 🤍
And also, just a little note: if you’re not a parent or not in this stage of life, don’t worry, this blog isn’t suddenly becoming only about motherhood or pregnancy. I’ll still write about lots of other things, the same way I always have. But I think this year, this little corner has become more like a journal for me, and right now, this is such a huge part of my life and my mind that it naturally ends up here too.